ProNurse

Hi,

I'm struggling with a moral dilemma here and am looking for advice. My friend has just found out she is pregnant (around 6wks). She has been with her partner for nearly ten years. He has cheated on her numerous times yet she is besotted with him. She has always wanted a child of her own. He says he is not ready (but i fear he will never be), she really wanted this baby but he is demanding she terminate the pregnancy ASAP! She is booked in to do so as she doesnt want to make him feel trapped. I am supporting her decision even though i feel strongly against it. However, i know ultimately it is not her decision and she would NEVER choose this without being bullied into it. I have told her i will stand behind her 100% no matter what she chooses but i fear by letting her do this it will impact on her psychologiclly in the long run. I have told her i will go with her tommorrow to have it done but with all my heart and soul i feel it is the wrong decision for her. I do not want to put pressure on her to do otherwise in case i make the situation and her guilt worse but it is so hard to stand back and watch her go through something i feel may impact on her for the rest of her life and that i KNOW she doesnt really want to do.

Please help????

ANON

As has already been said, the decision she makes now will impact on the rest of her life. It is a very difficult choice to make but she must follow her heart and stop letting this guy treat her like a door mat. He doesn't seem to be able to commit to anything and will probably never feel ready to be a father, he is far too selfish to take on that role. Try to get your friend to take a bit more time to really weigh-up all her options, she does not have to decide yet.

Just be there for her as the good friend you obviously are.

Mo x. 

Thanks for your replies guys!

I have spoken to her at various points today, each time her opinion varied on it. At first it was that she now hates this guy and its the best thing all round to rid him from her life for good. The next phone call she was very unsure. She then called round and seemed determined to go through with it again so her head is all over the place at the minute!

I managed to express how i was feeling about it to her and she listened calmly and was grateful for my honesty. The date has now been set back another three days but that was nothing to do with our conversations, rather convenience. I agree about rushing into this decision wholeheartedly but i think she thinks the sooner it is over and done with the less stress she will be put under from him and her own conscience. However, i think we all know the reality of living with this regret may harm her much more in the long run. I have been completely honest and told her this. I have also suggested she take up the pre-counselling session that occurs before the termination takes place as she has refused this already.

It is so frustrating and hurtful to see her go through this as she is one of the most genuine people i have known in my life. I agree, he is a scumbag and he makes my blood boil truth be told but me ranting and raving at him won't help her make this life changing decision. I feel i am pulling her one way (unintentionally) and he is pulling her another. I think she needs advice of someone who has been through a something similar to get an even perspective. All i know is that i have to support her regardless of my own moral stance and be there to help pick up the pieces either way.

Many thanks people!

 Alternatives is great, i work with one of the main founders of the group who is actually a vet! They are really helpful - give them a ring, they will be able to support you too.x 

How is your friend now? and you?